My “invitation” from Donald J Trump
Now with line-by-line commentary!
Earlier this year I received a delightful piece of mail from our commander in chief inviting me to join his Republican Presidential Task Force. Jealous much?
The last page is all about the great benefits of membership (Membership card, VIP pin, and inclusion in the “Honor Roll”), but the first two pages are worth diving into in more detail.
Let’s jump in!
Dear Mr. Godfrey,
I’m not one to mince words so I’m going to get right to the point.
So far, so reasonable
I need your help and I need it NOW
You definitely need help, no doubt. But you know I’m not a psychologist, right?
The Big Government Socialist Democrats running against me for President — along with their allies in Congress and the Left-leaning special interest groups — are continuing their massive non-stop propaganda campaign and bogus witch hunts to destroy me and our Republican Party.
If by “Big Government” you mean running up the deficit from $585B (2016, Obama’s last year) to $984B (2019, before the pandemic), then I think you might be slapping this label on the wrong party.
Working with the Liberal mainsteam media — who is spreading their fake news 24 hours a day — they are doing everything they can to ensure they defeat me in the November Presidential election and capture complete control of our lives, our families, our businesses, and our government. We can’t let that happen.
Once again, you seem to be confused about who is spreading fake news.
That is why I have called on the Republican National Committee to immediately launch the Republican Presidential Task Force. The Task Force will be made up of my core supporters — a group of individuals committed to helping us build a state of the art campaign organization unsurpassed in American politics
Tell me more…
Mr. Godfrey, today I am asking you to join key Republicans in California and across the country who are making a commitment to support me and our agenda by becoming a Charter Member of the Republican Presidential Task Force.
Wait, there are “key Republicans” in California? Schwarzenegger?
With your help today, we will create an army of dedicated Americans who will battle back against those who are working to defeat me and take our nation down a disastrous path to Big Government Socialism.
I’m no socialist, but I can’t imagine a path more disastrous than the one you’ve put us on. Spending over $3 TRILLION dollars (and counting) to NOT effectively suppress the coronavirus and NOT protect the economy. Well done.
Your first call to action as a Presidential Task Force Member is to complete and return the enclosed Task Force Strategy Survey by April 20th.
Dammit, I missed the deadline!
Your personal opinions will be extremely valuable in helping me gain an on-going and in-depth understanding of the issues which are of greatest concern to you, your family, and your community.
My greatest concern is that our President is a 5-year old bully with an intellect to match, and that you lash out at anyone who dares try to bring a basic level of reasoned thought and debate to the critical problems our country is facing. Sadly, I didn’t see this specific concern addressed anywhere in the survey.
At the same time, I also urge you to return a generous Membership Contribution of $35, $50, $100, $250, $500, or even $1,000. The Task Force will be funded solely by individuals like you and it is going to take millions of dollars to enable us to enhance our voter outreach, strengthen our grassroots operations, and better deliver our message — the truth about our agenda — to all Americans
If only you knew someone who had millions of dollars to help you…
Mr. Godfrey, the hard-fought 2018 elections served as a resounding “wake-up call” for the upcoming Presidential election.
Yes, it was a wake up call! I’m so glad you heard it and are going to adjust your priorities to unite the country and put us on a better path.
Clearly, we need to act today to make sure we have the funds to refute the Democrats’ lies
and make sure we are listening to, and are focused squarely on, the priorities of the American people.We must prove to ALL voters that our agenda is what is best for their future.
ALL voters, except of course for minorities, LGBTIQ, anyone who gets their news from credible media sources, actual members of the media, scientists, those with disabilities, and those ‘nasty women’. Or anyone who wants to vote by mail to avoid spreading a deadly contagious disease. Or anyone who questions your “absolute authority”.
You know, “ALL”
That is why the answers you provide in your Task Force Strategy Survey are so important.
Tell me more…
Your personal opinions will help my campaign shape our strategy and allow me to continue to implement a bold agenda that reflects the priorities of the citizens of this country — one that will frame the national debate, strengthen our Republican voice in setting policies, increase our voter turnout, and keep our nation on a secure, prosperous course.
This seems eminently reasonable
Unfortunately, right now, with our nation so politically divided and the Democrats and mainstream media constantly spreading fake news about me and our Republican policies and achievements, it is difficult to get real facts about our agenda out to Americans all across the country
If only everyone watched Fox News and Infowars!
The truth is, the Liberal media doesn’t want Americans to know that my administration has consistently delivered on my campaign promises
OK, I know “consistently” and “delivered” are big words for you, but just off the top of my head I seem to recall you promising to erase the deficit, repeal Obamacare, fix our crumbling infrastructure, and get Mexico to pay for a big beautiful wall. And to drain the swamp. How’s all that coming along?
Since I was sworn in as our nation’s 45th President — and with you amazing support, I might add —
I wouldn’t call my support “amazing”
we passed the largest tax cut in America’s history.
Record new jobs have been and continue to be created,
the size of the federal government is being reined-in
and we are moving forward to fix our nation’s broken immigration system,
replace our aging infrastructure,
tap into our country’s huge energy assets,
Maybe not so much (according to Fox News!)
rebuild our military,
and put our nation on a strong path to success for years to come
No link needed here. Just open a web browser and navigate to any credible news source to see what kind of “strong path” we are on.
But now with the 2020 Presidential election gearing up and the Democrats in control of the U.S. House, Nancy Pelosi, Adam Schiff, and their Liberal cronies are focusing all their attention on conspiracy theories and unending witch hunts
Cronyism (definition): Favoritism to friends without regard for their qualifications, especially by appointing them to political positions.
They are working daily to bring our accomplishments to a screeching halt,
Which accomplishments again?
block legislation in Congress,
Didn’t the Republicans hold both houses of Congress for 2 full years? And your buddy Mitch stills controls the Senate, right?
hold up Presidential appointments,
Half true! (50% true for Trump is like 150% true for most people)
investigate my every move, and work relentlessly to stop us from doing what’s best for America
How do investigations stop you from doing the job of President again? Especially when you refuse to cooperate anyway?
Maybe reallocate some of your twitter or Fox & Friends time towards President stuff.
My foes are going all-out to sell the American people their Big Government Socialist laundry list of extremely costly Left-wing ideas
More costly than the near trillion dollar deficits you’ve been running?
These include “free” national health care for all,
Definitely no one needs health care right now…
open borders for all immigrants
support for sanctuary cities,
Or, more accurately, not cutting off funding for cities that aren’t hostile to vulnerable communities
slashing U.S. military spending, government-paid college tuition for all,
I’m not suggesting free college, but would it be so terrible if we spent a little less on military and a little more on educating less well-off members of our society?
dangerous abortion policies
allowing inmates to vote
Biden and most other prominent democrats do not support this
massive government programs with incalculable costs,
Well, that does sound pretty scary!
and a Big Government “tax the rich” agenda that will deliver a giant blow to our nation’s economy.
How giant? Like as giant as ignoring a global pandemic and still not getting testing or contact tracing that would allow us to safely reopen our economy? Like 20%+ unemployment giant?
And shockingly, they are now calling on lowering the voting age to 16,
Allowing younger people to have their voices heard? That IS shocking!
making Washington D.C. a state,
Equal voting rights AND representation in the Senate? Even more shocking!
packing the Supreme Court,
Both Biden and Sanders are opposed
and abolishing the Electoral College — one of the basic principles of our Republic
The Electoral College was, ironically, designed to ensure that the electorate couldn’t elect an inept snake oil salesman who was undermining the best interests of “our Republic” through corruption and personal foreign entanglements. Whoops!
If they succeed, these changes would permanently alter our nation — the nation that generations of Americans fought and died for — and put the Big Government Socialist Democrats in charge for decades to come.
Translation: “If the Democrats win, things will change for the better and it’ll take decades for the Republican party to recover from the devastation I’ve wrought.”
We can’t let our nation go down that bleak and desolate path.
“Desolate” is a good description for the backbone of the Republican party right now.
I WON’T LET OUR NATION GO DOWN THAT BLEAK AND DESOLATE PATH.
Seems like an exclamation point would be useful here?
The bottom line is this — a Democrat victory would be catastrophic for our agenda,
That damage is already done
and our Nation —
More catastrophic than your administration? I don’t see how that’s possible
making this the most important Presidential Election in our lifetime
At last, we agree on something.
UPDATE: Another invite came, and this one was even more detached from reality than the first: Invitation #2